As far as we know, these are more as less originals.
Q. What did the last marshmallow scream at the campers?
A. NO S"MORE!
Q. Who prays the most in the restaurant kitchen?
A. The Friar.
A. The Friar.
Q. How did the doctor respond when his patient asked if it was true that eating more than 2 lbs of bacon per day could relieve a heart break?
A. Doctor – well, if you eat enough bacon, you certainly will be ‘cured’.
Q. What is the worst kind of bear meat sausage?
A. One made from a ‘gristly’ bear
Q. Why did the E. coli O157:H7 decide to take up residence in the cow’s intestine?
A. Because there was ‘room-in-it”
Q. Why did the milk refuse to make cottage cheese?
A. Because it'd have to go too far out of its whey
Q. Did you hear that Dr. Ed come up with a protocol to reach thousands of new organisms in a single trial?
A. He did a spread technique using the social media
Q. Why can’t you build a house out of apples?
A. Because they don’t contain enough brix (Brix is the level of sugar measured in fruit such as apples.)
Q. What tune were the band of noroviruses singing as they burst out of the infected cells?
A. “That's the way, uh-huh uh-huh, I lysis, uh-huh, uh-huh ” (KC and the Sunshine Band)
Q. Why did the cows refuse to eat the grass where the mad cow was standing?
A. They were afraid she prion’ed the grass.
Q. What parasite refused to harm any people ?
A. Toxoplasmosis ghandi (Taxoplasmosis gondii is the pathogen)
A. Doctor – well, if you eat enough bacon, you certainly will be ‘cured’.
Q. What is the worst kind of bear meat sausage?
A. One made from a ‘gristly’ bear
Q. Why did the E. coli O157:H7 decide to take up residence in the cow’s intestine?
A. Because there was ‘room-in-it”
Q. Why did the milk refuse to make cottage cheese?
A. Because it'd have to go too far out of its whey
Q. Did you hear that Dr. Ed come up with a protocol to reach thousands of new organisms in a single trial?
A. He did a spread technique using the social media
Q. Why can’t you build a house out of apples?
A. Because they don’t contain enough brix (Brix is the level of sugar measured in fruit such as apples.)
Q. What tune were the band of noroviruses singing as they burst out of the infected cells?
A. “That's the way, uh-huh uh-huh, I lysis, uh-huh, uh-huh ” (KC and the Sunshine Band)
Q. Why did the cows refuse to eat the grass where the mad cow was standing?
A. They were afraid she prion’ed the grass.
Q. What parasite refused to harm any people ?
A. Toxoplasmosis ghandi (Taxoplasmosis gondii is the pathogen)
Q. Did you hear that Chef Bill was arrested after making shrimp scampi from a pound of Jumbo shrimp where he added too much sodium and fat?
A. He was charged with 21 to 25 counts of a-salt and buttery….the judge said the counts would have been reduced to 10 or under if the shrimp were twice as big.
Q. In the movie, what did Robert DeNiro’s character say to the can of under-processed green beans?
A. You toxic to me…….. you toxic to me?
Q. When pressed to provide their favorite musical, what did the grapes pick?
A. Cabernet
Q. What do you call a plate of overly spoiled sausage?
A. A bunch of brats.
Q. Did you hear that Dr. Ed was arranging his little full-figure statues in his garden?
A. He was doing whole g-nome sequencing
Q. Did you hear that Dr. Ed’s jeans were too long?
A. He SNiPped away at the ends
Q. Why did Dr. Ed then put his jeans in the toaster oven?
A. He wanted them CRISPeR
Q. What is jelly without the jell?
A. Juice, what were you ex-pectin
Q. Where do the probiotics like to hang out?
A. At the bowel-ing alley
Q. Why did Listeria get stuck watching horror movies?
A. Because they couldn’t wash any biofilms
Q. Why did the Staphylococcus want to move out of the colony?
A. Because the culture became toxic.
Q. Who was fired from the food company for causing an allergen recall?
A. Ms. Labeled
A. He was charged with 21 to 25 counts of a-salt and buttery….the judge said the counts would have been reduced to 10 or under if the shrimp were twice as big.
Q. In the movie, what did Robert DeNiro’s character say to the can of under-processed green beans?
A. You toxic to me…….. you toxic to me?
Q. When pressed to provide their favorite musical, what did the grapes pick?
A. Cabernet
Q. What do you call a plate of overly spoiled sausage?
A. A bunch of brats.
Q. Did you hear that Dr. Ed was arranging his little full-figure statues in his garden?
A. He was doing whole g-nome sequencing
Q. Did you hear that Dr. Ed’s jeans were too long?
A. He SNiPped away at the ends
Q. Why did Dr. Ed then put his jeans in the toaster oven?
A. He wanted them CRISPeR
Q. What is jelly without the jell?
A. Juice, what were you ex-pectin
Q. Where do the probiotics like to hang out?
A. At the bowel-ing alley
Q. Why did Listeria get stuck watching horror movies?
A. Because they couldn’t wash any biofilms
Q. Why did the Staphylococcus want to move out of the colony?
A. Because the culture became toxic.
Q. Who was fired from the food company for causing an allergen recall?
A. Ms. Labeled
Q. What is a safer way for moving raw milk than through your lips?
A. Past-your-eyes
Q. Did you hear that Bacillus cereus was found in a dish of fried rice?
A. The chef couldn't get it to wok out.
Q. How did the E. coli respond when questioned on how it contaminated the produce?
A. "They just let-tuce in"
Q. Did you hear the story about the extra nice auditor who, not only gave the food company a perfect score, but then also discounted the audit price by 50%
A. No? Me neither.
Q. What do you call an overly difficult, know-it-all auditor who scores your facility's audit much lower due to "paperwork" issues"?
A. A lot of things but you certainly don't call them 'back'.
Q. What do you call a food facility that scores much higher on their audit than they should have received.
A. PCA*
Q. What do you call a food facility that scores lower on their audit than they really deserved?
A. Your facility
*PCA - Peanut Corporation of America who received a superior score on their third party audit while also shipping contaminated product that resulted in over 700 cases of illness.
A. Past-your-eyes
Q. Did you hear that Bacillus cereus was found in a dish of fried rice?
A. The chef couldn't get it to wok out.
Q. How did the E. coli respond when questioned on how it contaminated the produce?
A. "They just let-tuce in"
Q. Did you hear the story about the extra nice auditor who, not only gave the food company a perfect score, but then also discounted the audit price by 50%
A. No? Me neither.
Q. What do you call an overly difficult, know-it-all auditor who scores your facility's audit much lower due to "paperwork" issues"?
A. A lot of things but you certainly don't call them 'back'.
Q. What do you call a food facility that scores much higher on their audit than they should have received.
A. PCA*
Q. What do you call a food facility that scores lower on their audit than they really deserved?
A. Your facility
*PCA - Peanut Corporation of America who received a superior score on their third party audit while also shipping contaminated product that resulted in over 700 cases of illness.
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